Edwin's Raisin

Cyril Power

2011-07-18T23:55:00.004+01:00

A kickass British modernist fascinated by the technological advances brought about in the interwar years, specifically the London Underground network.
Whence and Whither (1930)
The Tube Station (1932)
The Escalator (1929)
Power's interest in speed and machinery didn't stop at the Tube - my favourite of his linocuts is one of the non-transport ones.
The Merry-Go-Round (1931)

True prosperity

2011-07-12T15:16:00.003+01:00

(I actually thought it said "PASSION" not "COMPASSION"... I actually like it less now. But still pretty cool - the hazmat colours keep it just the right side of saccharine.)

Watch envy

2011-06-28T11:59:00.002+01:00

I don't really wear watches, but maybe that's because I don't have a nice one. If anyone wants to buy me this, that's fine.

Raymond Weil, Tradition, £835.

José opening

2011-05-31T23:35:00.011+01:00

I recently went to the opening of José on my own wee Bermondsey Street.

José is a new tapas bar opened by José Pizarro, co-founder and former executive chef of Tapas Brindisa (itself an SE1 and Mr Christopher institution), and is inspired by the tapas joints of Barcelona’s bustling Boquería market. It's low-key, small, busy and very suited to Bermondsey Street.

José was so busy on the launch night – and has been the couple of times I've been back since – that punters tend to stand rather than sit, which adds to the authentic, bustling atmosphere and keeps the place lively. Despite being rushed off their feet, the staff were very attentive and able to talk in depth about each dish.

José himself (above) is affable and looks like a mischievous little devil – although if according to his works shall a man be judged, this guy is an angel: the menu changes daily and features incredible jamón ibérico de bellota, boquerones, croquettes and a very simple but very good tomato mush on bread. It doesn't sound like much, but I promise you would like it. The Spanish wine list was curated by Tim Atkin and has a strong focus on sherry, which I'm told Sr. Pizarro believes is well-overdue a renaissance in the UK, and a decent range of prices.

With a larger, more formal restaurant in the same area in the pipeline for later this year, José Pizarro appears to be establishing an empire in SE1. Lord knows, he has made an auspicious start.

José, 104 Bermondsey Street, SE1 3UB

Flesh and Blood & Fish and Fowl

2011-01-24T15:33:00.006Z

Last week I saw Flesh and Blood & Fish and Fowl at the Barbican.

The short play centres on two admin gophers in a non-descript American convenience foods superstore. Gerry, played by Geoff Sobelle, is a sort of scruffy middle-manager who lives in the office bin; Rhoda, played by Charlotte Ford, is his gawky, whiny secretary who desperately wants to be sexy. Both are neurotic, obsessive and live an ordered, suppressed non-life. Geoff's inability to either successfully swat or ignore a buzzing fly, and Rhoda's guilty and constant Wotsit-munching sum up their powerless, unfulfilled, tedious existences.

BUT ONE DAY, with bathos and frustration already at fever pitch thanks to an unappreciated memo, noisy microwave and overly effective flypaper, ORDER AND RESTRAINT DISINTEGRATE. Rhoda reads out a news report about a pack of captured chimps murdering one of their own, and base and revolutionary instincts in the pair erupt. A deranged Gerry devours Rhoda's ready-meal, the pair do it like they do on the Discovery Channel in an unstable dumpster, and a sexually awakened Rhoda prowls round the office wreaking havoc. The degeneration is mirrored, or perhaps provoked, by the sudden appearance of nature in the office. First a bit of ivy creeps out of a drawer, then a stuffed weasel jumps out from behind a desk, escalating until the set is dripping with vines and taxidermy.

The message is unmistakable: "hey, don't ignore the natural world, and remember that we too are all animals". Nothing new – it's not a million miles from Day of the Triffids – and subtle it ain't. But by the time rabbits, pheasants, rams and deers have invaded the stage, and an uncomfortably life-like bear has mauled the protagonists (in front of a corporate video showing industrial food processing), you don't feel short-changed.

The balance between horror and comedy was perfectly struck. To my surprise, given it was part of the London International Mime Festival, there wasn't a beret or glass box in sight and the show wasn't silent. There were, however, long periods without script, admirably kept alive by tension, the eerie or absurd appearance of a stuffed fox or two, and the sheer physicality of the performers. Indeed, Sobelle and Ford each appear to be a blend of actor and clown: even leaving physical comedy aside, the characters are defined by their failings, and reveal their true selves in spite of their best efforts to project a casual, flirtatious or cool image – very clownish traits, as Sobelle noted in the post-show Q&A.

Flesh and Blood is inventive, funny, apocalyptic and a worthy winner of a Fringe First award last year. The show was first conceived in Philadelphia something like 7 years ago, and has appeared in various incarnations since, so keep your eyes peeled. And steer clear of ready-meals in the meantime.

127 Hours in 127 words

2011-01-21T15:28:00.003Z

Compelling, visceral, exciting, intense, well structured, not gratuitous, not very relaxing, you see Tom Hollander on the steps when you leave (though this might have just been for us), excellent sound (effects and score), could have been edited a bit in the middle when he gets a bit wise-ass, some really good passages though like the bit where he chops off his own arm *CHOP CHOP CHOP*, I had some popcorn, *CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP*

Black Swan posters

2011-01-21T15:14:00.003Z

Black Swan, comes out today. I am very excited about the fact that it stars Natalie Portman (fresh from her star turn in My Imaginary Midsummer Night's Dream last summer) not just once but, from what I can make out, TWICE – as a nice goodie and a sexy baddie. Absolutely fine.

And I am also very excited because of the absolutely fantastic teaser posters – bold Soviet imagery courtesy of British design studio LaBoca. Apparently not available to buy. So befriend the popcorn girl at your local cinema as quickly as possible.

Mission Workshop

2011-01-12T23:50:00.001Z

Don't like the clothes, but Lord knows I like the video.

Undercurrent

2011-01-12T23:44:00.000Z

Braganza's LFW Cycle Hire Bike

2010-09-15T17:15:00.004+01:00

London Fashion Week will soon be upon us, and LFW designer Jean-Pierre Braganza has added his own little urban accessory to his SS11 collection: a limited edition Barclays Cycle Hire bike!
The frames of the chosen bikes, usually grey, navy and cyan, will be coated with this delicate, smokey and summery salmon pink print as a way of building awareness of the bike scheme.

The designer said: "As a very keen cyclist in London, Barclays Cycle Hire offers the freedom to explore the city worry-free. By customising a bike for London Fashion Week, I hope to indicate the inspiration travel has provided in my work, and highlight that everyone can, and should, explore and discover our city." More than 500,000 journeys have been made since the Cycle Hire scheme launch and over 80,000 people have registered to become members.

Braganza's show Incendiata opens day one of LFW. Queues at nearby docking stations to be expected...

London Bridge: What Could Have Been

2010-08-25T17:20:00.011+01:00

Check out these shelved plans for Phase Two of the London Bridge City development. The Powers-That-Were sought THREE different schemes in different styles.

Ultimately unsuccessful but undeniably ambitious, John Simpson and Partners were up first. They dreamt up a sort of Venice-on-the-Thames, complete with piazzas, cloisters and a sort of belltower-type thing. As you can see, I don't know my architectural terms, but I do know OTT elegance when I see it and this has bucketloads.

Admittedly, plonked down in the middle of central London it might have felt a bit like a pre-fab "Fancy Italy!" section from the Epcot Centre, but then people probably would say the same thing about the Covent Garden piazza.

It's a bit Duloc (right) and inauthentic, but it looks OK and would have been sympathetic to Hay's Galleria.

The second offering is bland filler, so let's not talk about that.
The third, from Philip Johnson, was meant to act as a counterpoint to the Palace of Westminster upstream, but looks absolutely massive and stupid and like it was drawn by a Premiership footballer. Opposite the Tower of London and next to Tower Bridge, it would have just looked like a crude, oversized, tacky copycat. So I'm glad that that didn't win.

In the end, Simpson's Anglo-Neo-Venetian offering won, but the commercial developers apparently wanted to build their own conventional buildings and just stick his facades on, so Simpson took his blueprints and hardhat (I imagine he looked like Tom Selleck in Three Men and a Baby) and stomped off home.

And that is how we ended up with City Hall which, all things considered, is pretty cool.

It opened in 2002 and was designed by Norman Foster. It doesn't fit with the Tower of London but the mix-and-match, modern/old thing is very London, and the design is the best of the bunch. Well done, Norman.

Into the Woods

2010-08-24T12:51:00.007+01:00

Once upon a time (that was last night), I saw Into the Woods at Regent's Park Open Air Theatre. It was one of the best things I have seen in London.

The sylvan setting was breathtaking, enclosed by beautifully lit trees and centred around a treehouse-style series of rickety platforms, spiralling staircases and ladders. The production made full use of the space, with Rapunzel's nesting box of tower positioned halfway up a tree, a staircase of umbrellas popping up to create a beanstalk, and the enormous Giant rearing to life out of undergrowth at the side of the stage. Fantastically whimsical costumes completed the impression and visually, the show was absolutely perfect.
In fact, pretty much everything was spot on. The cast was outstanding, with an assured and hugely charismatic performance from Hannah Waddingham as the Witch, and Michael Xavier excelling as a ravenous and, erm, "charged" Wolf and suavely self-absorbed Cinderella's Prince. Beverly Rudd also delighted as a gleefully greedy Little Red Riding Hood and, with one or two minor exceptions (Giants in the Sky - a Mr Christopher favourite - was less strident and urgent than it could have been), the performances were unimpeachable.

Into the Woods has always come under fire for its second act, which critics say loses its edge, contains weaker songs and gets its preach on. The moralising is undeniable - any show that contains direct instructions on how to parent is going to get on some people' wick. But the plot and songs are fine - they're just different to those of the first act. The first act is the first movement or theme; it sets up shop and could be a neatly contained, simple (if inconsequential) show in itself. The second act then takes the first as its starting point; it plays on it, builds on it, pulls it apart a little and - yes - deviates. But as one article argued this week, it shows Sondheim's genius in forcing contrasts, darkness and dissonance into what can be a saccharine genre.

The reviews have rightly been excellent and it's just a shame that the run, at five weeks, is so short. Get a ticket if you can.
Until 11 September, Open Air Theatre.

UPDATE 16 MARCH 2011: Into the Woods wins Best Musical Revival at the 2011 Olivier Awards.

PRINT SUCCESS

2010-08-12T13:44:00.007+01:00

- Leaf Me Alone by Anthony Peters
- Simple - Black & White by Seb Lester
- London by Steve Forney
- Tall Bike Poster by Barrel NY

Yet again...

2010-08-10T00:58:00.011+01:00

...looking for a print.

Stephanie Quayle

2010-08-07T13:49:00.004+01:00

Yesterday I saw some startingly wonderful sculptures by Stephanie Quayle in Canary Wharf. Quayle spends a lot of time watching her subjects before rendering them rapidly in clay, resulting in fantastically captured impressions.

The most eyecatching were groups of foxes slinking around the lobby of One Canada Square. It felt like the animals were the underclass in a two-tier city, as suited commuters hurried past and security guards kept a wary eye on them.

Probably the best site-specific public art I have ever seen. Well done Stephanie Quayle.

Foursquare

2010-07-26T15:24:00.005+01:00

I have a question. I don't want to sound like one of those misers who think they have the measure of Twitter by asking WHAT'S SO GREAT ABOUT TWITTER WHO WANTS TO KNOW WHAT YOU HAD FOR BREAKFAST (usually either accompanied by an exasperated Jeremy-Clarkson-book-cover stance, or muttered wryly in an attempt to sound like a cross between Blackadder and Oscar Wilde)... but what's so great about Foursquare?

For a start, I'm only 70% sure I know what it is. One of my friends often has things posted to his Facebook page saying thinks like "I am starting a trip to New York" or "I am in Starbucks, Broadgate", and I'm pretty sure that the name of the beast is Foursquare. Someone else has just instructed me to join it and, after a cursory and no doubt wildly inaccurate skim of a Guardian article on the subject, I'm not sure I would like it very much for the following reasons:

There's something distastefully and self-defeatingly transparent about going "HEY! I am at this Cool Venue" which, despite the fact that I am as superficial and self-promoting as anyone, I don't like.
I don't sufficiently trust the judgment of randoms to break out my phone every time I go into a cafe to see if someone has said "have the bacon roll! It's deliiiiicious lols!".
As far as the "hooking up!" ability goes, there are probably only about six people that I would never resent bumping into. The day where my phone is excitedly bleeping at me to tell me that my college hockey captain is in a 400 metre radius is a day I would rather have stayed in bed.

I don't think my BlackBerry would let me install it in any event, so it's probably academic, but you know. Good to have a view.

ICRC 'Missing Lives' Exhibition

2010-07-25T10:41:00.009+01:00

The International Red Cross 'Missing Lives' exhibition catches you off-guard as you wander guilelessly along the South Bank. Installed on a jutting platform opposite Gabriel's Wharf, it appears to be a glossy display of high definition photography - glamorous eye candy, no doubt!

On closer inspection, however, the exhibition has a sombre and moving story to tell. 'Missing Lives' highlights 15 individual accounts taken from thousands describing pain and loss from the Balkans wars, which scarred Yugoslavia in the 1990s and cost the lives of about 140,000 people.

Of those 140,000, a quarter of simply vanished and were reported missing by their families. Even today, almost 15,000 people remain unaccounted for. Photography by Nick Danziger and text by Rory MacLean illustrate the anguish suffered by the families of the murdered and missing.

Some stories are shocking, others just sad. Piecing them together produces a terrifying vision of a world where neighbour turned on neighbour and close-knit communities were ravaged by mass executions, often willingly carried out by citizens upon their acquaintances.

Unexpectedly and suddenly moving, this restrained yet harrowing exhibition may take the spring from your step as you trot alongside the river, but don't avert your eyes: it is profound, thought-provoking and - as pressure increases on the West Balkans governments to provide answers to affected families - timely.

'Missing Lives', Gabriel's Wharf, 7 July to 26 July.

My street

2010-07-20T22:59:00.002+01:00

in cardboard.

Hat tip: Menna Jenkins.

Maurice Sendak: Mr Cool

2010-07-07T22:29:00.002+01:00

Hat tip: Yimmy's Yayo.

I am beginning to like

2010-06-11T00:11:00.000+01:00

Daisy Lowe.
For UK esquire HD from Greg Williams on Vimeo.

How much do musicians make online?

2010-06-10T15:50:00.004+01:00

The answer is not very much. Digital royalties are looooow, with the below diagram (from Information is Beautiful) illustrating how many units / plays artists need to shift to earn the US minimum monthly wage. 143 self-pressed CDs = >4.5 million plays on Spotify. Yikes!

Kozyndan and Bernstock Speirs

2010-06-08T12:50:00.012+01:00

Last week I went to the opening of Kozyndan's first UK solo show, 'And Then There Were None', at Nelly Duff gallery on Columbia Road.

Kozyndan are LA-based Dan and Kozue Kitchens, self proclaimed 'Mad Scientists' of the art world. They have made waves on the international art scene, mostly by virtue of their bunny prints - the best one of which (Uprisings) is featured in the poster above.

Everyone also seemed very excited about something called The Best Sushi in Town, but I preferred Takadanobaba on Acid and Bunny Blossom (both below) - the latter if only so I could link it with the Van Gogh I got last summer (right). HOW BLOODY KITSCH.

Unfortunately, Uprisings is ubiquitous, the rest of the Japanese-style bunny prints seem a bit derivative, and I'm not mad keen for the other handdrawn pieces. But it was still cool.

And on the way home we stopped off at Bernstock Speirs, which was launching a Peter Jensen line of baseball caps and tees to go with their acclaimed millinery (as seen atop Kirsten Dunst, Marion Cotillard, Karl Lagerfeld, Victoria Beckham, Will Young, Ralf Fiennes, Sharon Stone et al). Bonus.

2010-06-07T22:55:00.003+01:00

Hat tip: Yimmy's Yayo.

Pick Me Up contemporary graphic art fair

2010-06-06T11:04:00.008+01:00

Last month I went to the launch of Pick Me Up, the first contemporary graphic art fair in the UK. The intention was to bring together the most exciting graphic artists working today and provide opportunities to buy limited edition, affordable graphic art, illustration and design.
Unfortunately, I wasn't overly impressed. While the fair featured inevitably beautiful pieces by Rob Ryan - the most popular name secured by the fair - I thought that the quality of the works on show overall was a little disappointing. This was an affordable art fair that showcased up and coming artists, so you expect there to be some unevenness, but for me, a few too many pieces were amateurish, sparse and uninspiring.

There were some highlights: Rob Ryan hosted an open studio, bringing his paper-cutting tools and printing presses with him from east London, so that the entire process of making his work could be followed.Nobrow Press, a small publishing house in East London, produces fascinating tactile books and several of these were on display at the fair. Bright, bold and diverse, the prints leapt off the page and were amongst the most exciting works on show.Other standout works included Oranges and Lemons by Paul Bommer, Moustaches by Mr Bingo, Ice Creams by Paula Castro and Go For It by Alex Trochut (I also liked his Neo Deco typeface design). However, unfortunately overall I thought these jewels were few and far between.

Wenlock and Mandeville

2010-05-19T20:33:00.004+01:00

Today the people of Britain saw the below picture and in a rare display of national unity shrieked as one: WTF?
Why, of course it's Wenlock, the 2012 Olympic mascot, and Mandeville, his Paralympic counterpart. I don't know about you, but when I see these two misfits lumbering terrifyingly down the street, I'm going to think "well this clearly encapsulates the spirit of the Olympic Games!"

What's that weird orange blob atop the head of eitherWenlockorMandevillelikeitmatters, you ask? Apparently it's a light in the style of those found on the Hackney carriage taxi for which London is so famous! And what better way to replicate the indication that a cab is for hire than by mounting a weird clitoris-type thing on top of a one-eyed maniacal monster, and sending him out to play with children.

And what's with the cyclops thing? Apparently that is not only an eye but also a LENS, which is a nod to the digital / webcam / iPhone generation. Groovy! It also signifies that the figures may be turned into cameras and camcorders when they go commercial in July. Needless to say, I think I'll stick with my trusty Canon, thanks.

Coalition Time

2010-05-12T12:37:00.003+01:00

In sneaks British Airways Pilot of the Year 2009, Nick Clegg.

Not pictured: David Cameron's coattails.

Marcel Dzama

2010-05-10T10:24:00.001+01:00

Untitled, 2000, as seen in the Tate Modern on Saturday.

Modern Masters on BBC1

2010-05-09T22:09:00.012+01:00

Just finished watching the hugely enjoyable Modern Masters on BBC1.
Alastair Sooke presented an hour-long look at Henri Matisse, tracing his biography across Europe, Russia and the US. The programme showed some of the painter's greatest works, and demonstrated how Matisse's vivid use of colour and form has influenced today's artistic and design culture, from Miffy books and the 2012 logo to iPod ads and Paul Smith ties.

The instant response on Twitter was highly positive. The only critcism, incredibly, was of Sooke's alleged insincerity. I couldn't disagree more. I'm highly skeptical of earnest TV presenters, but thought that the Telegraph art critic was excellent: confident, enthusiastic and likeable.

It's exactly what BBC programming should be about, and perfect for a Sunday night. Tonight's episode was second in a series of four - Warhol has gone but Picasso and Dali are yet to come. BBC1 at 9.00 p.m. next Sunday. Don't miss it.

Well overdue

2010-05-06T02:16:00.002+01:00

Come on you Spurs!

Penguin RED covers

2010-05-04T23:20:00.010+01:00

Penguin is to release eight special editions from Penguin Classics series with specially designed artwork to celebrate a new partnership with (RED), the campaign to help eliminate AIDS in Africa.

Mr Christopher hearts Penguin design and three of the eight have been developed in-house. Strikingly, the title block is red rather than the conventional black, and the typographical visuals are quotations from each book. In a nod to the campaign branding, "Penguin Classics" is bracketed - a minor detail, but a nice touch.

House of Mirth is one of my favourite books, and the vintage Americana typefacing looks awesome, so ten points there. Bram Stoker's Dracula is fiercely dark and challenging - the text reads "His eyes were positively blazing. The red light in them was lurid, as if the flames of hell fire blazed behind them", but it takes a little work to make out. I also like the messy geometry on Conrad's Secret Agent, sprawling over the title block.

Here are the rest.

The only let-down for me is James' The Turn of the Screw - sparse, insipid and plain.

Friday's ffffound

2010-04-30T17:58:00.001+01:00

All by Adam Hancher, as found on ffffound!.

PARTY LEADER SECRETLY WANTS TO WIN GENERAL ELECTION

2010-04-28T01:19:00.002+01:00

In what sense is this an exclusive?

The Times follows with the shock news that most businesses try to make money, many sporting teams hope to win their various matches, and that some journalists stick "Exclusive" at the start of any headline to justify what would otherwise be a non-event story.

RIP Guru

2010-04-20T16:40:00.000+01:00

Dee Dee Bridgewater

2010-04-17T11:55:00.006+01:00

I saw Dee Dee Bridgewater at the Barbican on Friday, and she was awesome.

The show was titled To Billie Holiday with Love - A Celebration of Lady Day, with Bridgewater revisiting the character that gained her an Olivier Award nomination for the play Lady Day in the mid-1980s. There were no impressions, save for a brief speech, but the performance was consummate.

A Grammy and Tony Award winner, she almost failed to make the gig - the volcanic ash meant that her flight was cancelled and, despite saying in a recent interview that at nearly 60 years old touring had become an ordeal, Bridgewater endured a 14 hour minibus ride from Stuttgart to London. (Incidentally, US trumpeter Wallace Roney can't get to the UK and Bridgewater now can't get out, so she's taking his slot at Ronnie Scott's tonight and tomorrow.)

But she made it. As did her daughter, China Moses - a Parisian-born R&B singer and MTV presenter - who opened with a set dedicated to Dinah Washington. And thankfully so did Bridgewater's quintet, who were outstanding. Reeds man James Carter was particularly brilliant, taking songs by the scruff of the neck and thrilling the audience with blistering solos on soprano sax, tenor sax and flute.

But what about the lady herself? She was incredible. Bridgewater has an electrifying stage presence, a tremendously mercurial voice and a powerful, strident delivery. Every song was performed differently, each was absolutely mesmerising. The show was for one night only, so there's little point in recommending it now. But it really was good. You should've gone.

Set list included "Miss Brown To You", "Loverman", "God Bless the Child", "Don't Explain", "Them There Eyes", "A Foggy Day", "Mother's Son-in-Law", "You've Changed", "Fine and Mellow", "Strange Fruit" and "Lady Sings the Blues".

Avant-garde

2010-04-17T10:40:00.017+01:00

Euurgh God, avant-garde music. Isn't it all just a bit... weird and intense?

Well yes, it is. But you could say the same about a lot of modern art, and it's actually quite easy to 'get' modern art.

We look at a Pollock or Francis Bacon, and while we might think it's boring, serene or ridiculous, or worry that we don't understand it, we can certainly see it. And this at least means we can set about intepreting it (even if all we come up with is, "well I could have done that").

The canvas defines the art's parameters, so even the craziest and most chaotic scrawlings are contained. It's a totally different story, however, with contemporary classical music and jazz. Sound is boundless - everywhere and nowhere, and constantly shifting. And I think that this is why we tend to be so severe in our views on 'avant-garde' music.

We use mental rules to interpret complex sensory stimuli; for instance, we like to group things that feel similar or are close together. Melodies that move in little steps sound unified and structured, whereas those that repeatedly make huge jumps between high and low notes sound fragmented and random. Regular rhythms create coherence, erratic ones confusion. The use of certain scales allows harmony, the use of others dischord. In each of these pairings, our brains interpret the former as music and the latter as noise.

Of course, I am not for a minute bemoaning dissonance or tension. Playing with the listener's expectations is a central principle in music, and balance and resolution are essential. A composer must not lose coherence, but must also avoid outright predictability and create interest.

Yet some pieces of modern music simply do not allow you to follow them. In my view, these compositions are bad music. I don't really care if the piece can be justified by some musicologist: its organisation may be technically valid or 'correct', but if it is only present in theory rather than audibly perceptible, you have a serious struggle on your hands to convince people that it's music - or music to which they might want to listen.

For the most part, however, the melodies and rhythms of modern classical music and avant-garde jazz are not random and erratic - there is a pattern in place. But it might not be what we're used to. And so there's no point trying to listen to it in the same way as you would to Mozart. Instead, we should try to approach these pieces in the same way as we would a paint-spattered canvas or big block of red.

This is obvious - even Ross Geller advised that his work should be thought of as "sound poems" rather than songs - but too often we refuse to do it. But why can we bring ourselves to apply different rules to Rothko as we do to Rembrandt, but not to Berio as we do to Bach?

Is it because music intrudes in a way art does not? You can move on in a gallery; you have to endure at a concert. Is it because we're used to putting in no effort with pop music, whereas even accessible art is seen as worthy and more highbrow? Is it just because modern art is more established in the mainstream than modern music?

Whatever the cause, it could pay to look at avant-garde music in a more tolerant and forgiving light. Even if the only response is "well I could have done that."

Buttonholes, Sartorialist-style

2010-04-07T13:07:00.004+01:00

One of the looks that got The Sartorialist most excited was this red-flowered man.

WELL WE CAN NOW COPY HIM!

The second picture shows a buttonhole designed by EmersonMade, which started off as a one woman operation in NYC. It's now a full-on company run from a FARM and which designs and makes hand dyed and hand stitched blooms and accessories (apparel line coming out in 2010).

If you want to get me a present, this would be a good place to start.

Hat tip: Oh Joy!

International Pillow Fight Day

2010-04-07T11:20:00.003+01:00

Saturday 3 April. Pictures below from Edinburgh, Paris, Warsaw and Budapest. London's was at St Paul's and I MISSED IT.

Cycle Hire: 30 July 2010

2010-04-05T13:14:00.011+01:00

Boris and TFL have announced this week that the Cycle Hire scheme in London will launch on Friday 30 July 2010.

More than 40 docking stations are planned in my area alone (below) but, as reported by the the outstanding SE1 community website, some of the local residents are making a fuss.

Only last week an application was rejected for a 23-bike docking station across the street. Apparently the big worry is increased noise, disturbance and risk of public disorder, which I think is overly anxious - you could say the same about a proposed bus shelter.

Anyway, the scheme begins with 6,000 hire cycles spread over 400 locations across zone 1 (see map). Users will pay an access fee (£1 for 24 hours, £5 for seven days and £45 for a year) and then a usage charge if applicable (no charge for 30 mins, £1 for an hour, £4 for 1 1/2 hours, £6 for 2 hours).

I've got my own trusty steed but am such a fan of the idea that I'm still signing up - the scheme will be perfect for unexpected little journeys, and at £45 for an unlimited number of 30 minute trips all year, won't break the bank. Good work TFL.

Lego Repair

2010-04-02T18:59:00.008+01:00

The Nelly Duff blog showed recently the work of Jan Vormann, an artist who travels the world repairing crumbling monuments with Lego.
Instantly familiar, with a little research I disovered that Jan was responsible for the little additions I saw this summer at De Waag (right), a city gate and weighing house dating from 1488 in Amsterdam's Nieuwmarkt.

You can't help but be charmed by the helpful 'Elves and the Shoemaker' thinking behind Vormann's initiative, and by the shots of colour his quirky inserts bring to decaying walls.
The concept is so simple and cheap it's easy to replicate - the Amsterdam campaign was waged by Jan and a group of enthusiastic volunteers. In the time-honoured words of Neil Buchanan: go on - try it yourself!

Friday's ffffound

2010-04-01T17:15:00.002+01:00

Taking a leaf out of Emma Louise Layla's book: Three Friday's ffffounds.

Today's theme: children's prints.

I obviously really wanted to find a third green town / blue motel style one, but couldn't see anything up there and it was the child's nightmare one that started me off anyway. And who am I to mess with the rule of three.

Toilet roll carvings

2010-04-01T11:38:00.008+01:00

Now bear with me. They may not sound glamorous, interesting or even hygenic, but these TOILET ROLL CARVINGS are exquisitely beautiful intricacies that deserve your attention. I promise.

Anastassia Elias uses tweezers to manipulate inside the rolls shapes cut from identical paper. By contrast, Brooklyn-based Yuken Teruya makes carvings from just one roll (right and below). I've seen Teruya's work before at Phillips de Pury in Victoria, and it's utterly captivating.

And you felt virtuous just RECYCLING your old toilet rolls. Shame on you. Get carving.

ArcelorMittal Orbit

2010-03-31T17:15:00.005+01:00

Britain's biggest ever piece of public art was revealed today: the ArcelorMittal Orbit, chosen to mark the 2012 Olympic Games.

The looping, twisted tubular tower stands at 115m – taller than the Statue of Liberty (93 metres) and Big Ben (96 metres) – and will afford visitors a panoramic view of London.

Designed by Turner Prize-winning artist Anish Kapoor, the spiralling steel structure will cost £19.1m, though only £3.1m of this will come from the London Development Agency, with the rest coming from steel company ArcelorMittal.

Boris has nicknamed it "The Hubble Bubble" because he thinks it looks like a massive shisha pipe. Which I don't really see (What has HE been smoking, etc!), but then the curved design is supposed to incorporate the five Olympic rings, and I don't really see that either.

As a legacy building, it may be no Eiffel Tower, but at least the viewing platform means it will actually have a use, giving it an edge over the Angel of the North, for example.

I like it. A little bit alien invasion, a little bit rollercoaster, a little bit… BRIGHT RED. It's a little bit tacky, sure, but while not every structure can be a landmark, Mr Christopher sees nothing wrong with large-scale public art striving to be strong, striking and spectacular. As the tower will be built inside the Olympic Park itself, it will be surrounded by modern stadia and regenerated landscape, so you can't accuse it of being particularly unsympathetic to its environment.

Mr Christopher verdict: War of the Worlds meets Angel of the North and apparently also a shisha pipe. 7/10

"Hey kids, who wants to go to the Olympic Park?"

Nocturnes

2010-03-26T14:56:00.006Z

I don't care what they say: there's nothing wrong with judging a book by its cover. I do it wholeheartedly. It's the sort of thing I sit and think about.

- The dilemma -
Want this:

Not this:

Only:

You see my dilemma. It's a literally impossible literary quandry. I am paralysed by indecision and expect to end up buying neither or both.

Free Anglepoise

2010-03-25T17:08:00.009Z

Ooh my goodness look what has just landed on my desk.

A glossy old Anglepoise lamp to replace the perfectly acceptable (if characterless) fluorescent strip light I received at work couple of weeks ago. I am overjoyed.

Apparently the one I have is a 1989 Model 90, which is an updated version of the classic 1969 Model 75 - round base and fluted shade. The one above is black, but mine is pillar box red. Much better. It has a few scratches but looks awesome.

The Anglepoise was based on the ability of a new type of spring invented to remain in position after being moved in every conceivable direction - the 'constant tension' principle of human limbs. The Anglepoise was designed in 1934 and has remained in production ever since, generating a whole genre of articulated desk lamps.

Thank you, whoever it was that found this for me at work.

French Connection

2010-03-24T22:16:00.007Z

I'm not the world's biggest fan of French Connection (= bland chav chic), but I am ALL OVER this campaign.

Now. My friend thinks that the man looks like a creepy 1950s Soviet paedophile. I doubt that this was French Connection's intention, and to be honest the observation has kind of spoiled it for me. But before my innocence was ravished, I thought the man looked strong, brooding and quirky, which is basically The Best Brand Image.

The girl, obviously, is a cute-as-a-button chic French thing, which is always fine.

On a related note, I terrify myself with how much time I spend thinking about this:

The saving grace is that while Google Imaging that picture to include it here, I came across a more masculine version taken from the film Le Ballon Rouge:

REDEMPTION.

Un-Bic-lievable

2010-03-21T20:55:00.004Z

These awesome pictures were all drawn with a humble Bic pen. Or rather, four humble Bic pens, as Spanish artist Juan Francisco Casas needs muchos biros to cover his 3m high canvases.

Very good. Though a lot of the pictures he's chosen to draw are a tad seedy or of naked women, which makes me think he might benefit from a girlfriend. Then again, the drawings are reproductions of photos he's taken himself, so maybe he just lives a very sexually charged life. We may never know.

Oscars: shot of the night

2010-03-11T14:59:00.003Z

Sorely underused (at least by the Brit press) and surely the shot of the night.
James Cameron pretends to strangle his ex-wife, Kathryn Bigelow. She beat him to the best director Oscar. Hat tip: emmalouiselayla

Three New Things for the Walls of Mein Flat

2010-03-09T15:45:00.001Z

British Isles (Foxes)

2010-03-07T17:13:00.002Z

I have just discovered that Mrs Christopher doesn't like foxes. And so I suppose it's just as well I didn't buy it. But I was THIS CLOSE.

Seen at Nelly Duff on Columbia Road this morning. £140 unframed.

This Too Shall Pass

2010-03-04T23:00:00.002Z

Better than the treadmills, better than Honda: OK Go's latest vid.

Awesome. And the earlier version is pretty neat too.

Well done, OK Go. 10/10 for videos, even if a little lower for actual songs...

Modern Eastenders

2010-02-19T11:40:00.000Z

Modern Toss has kindly provided its view of BBC stalwart soap Eastenders on the Guardian site. It's pretty much bang on.

Superfly art

2010-02-17T10:13:00.007Z

1. Kill some flies.

2. Put them in the sun to dry.

3. Pick up a pencil and paper.

As morons say, I DON'T KNOW ART BUT I KNOW WHAT I LIKE.*

* I know a tiny bit of art. Jackson Pollock: born 1912, died 1956. Vincent Van Gogh cut off his ear (disappointed with his drawings). Monet had a HUGE beard. Ithangyew

RIP Alexander McQueen

2010-02-11T15:50:00.005Z

McQueen was found dead at his London home this morning. Police said his death was not being treated as suspicious and it is understood that the 40-year-old committed suicide just days after the death of his mother.
Four times winner of British Designer of the Year, McQueen was awarded the CBE in 2003 and was one of the most famous and influential enfants terrible in British and international fashion.

Alexandra Shulman, editor of Vogue, said: "He was the most brilliant designer of his generation and his influence can be seen in the way that women dressed over the last 15 years. It is an incredible loss not only for British fashion but for fashion the world over."
McQueen's death comes just days before the start of London Fashion Week and a month before he was to unveil his new collection at Paris Fashion Week.

UPDATE: However, fair point.

Miss him yet?

2010-02-11T10:16:00.004Z

It appeared suddenly on the side of a highway outside of Wyoming. A billboard featuring George W’s smiling face and the words "Miss me yet?"
No-on knew where it had come from, who paid for it, or even what it meant. We should be missing Dubya as things are so much worse now? No matter how bad things are, we certainly don't yet miss Dubya? Bob Collins of Minnesota Public Radio published the poster on his blog and set about trying to discover its origins. The answer came yesterday evening: "The Bush Miss Me Yet? billboard was paid for by a group of small business owners who feel like Washington is against them. They wish to remain anonymous. They thought it was a fun way of getting out their message."

It's certainly inventive. And it may be here to stay: since the story went viral, people have sent in donations to keep the billboard up longer.

Hat tip: Comment Central.

Channel 4 drops Friends

2010-02-10T14:54:00.003Z

Repeats of the much-loved hit US comedy Friends will no longer be shown on Channel 4 and sister station E4 from next autumn.
The BBC gloats with a picture of the cast captioned "They won't be there for you any more", while Channel 4's Gill Hay says: "After 15 years, 10 hit series and 236 terrific episodes, it's time to say goodbye to old Friends and welcome new ones. We are incredibly proud to have been the home of Friends for so long, but at a point when the channel is undergoing a period of creative renewal it felt like the right time to part company."

WRONG, GILL HAY. Granted, it was rare that I deliberately tuned in to an episode, but it was comforting to know that it was always there, swilling around our schedules with an average audience of 400,000, which I can't believe is THAT bad… And you even give it its own little minisite, Gill, so I don't think IT IS TIME TO SAY GOODBYE GILL YOU OBVIOUSLY LIKE IT TOO FOR GOD'S SAKE GILL JUST GIVE IT MORE TIME.

Little Matthew Albanese

2010-02-06T15:50:00.007Z

I've just seen these works by Matthew Albanese. The 26 year old artist started making small-scale meticulously detailed models just over a year ago and has already sold seven pieces to collectors.

Using a mixture of photographic techniques such as scale, depth of field, white balance and lighting, Albanese drastically alters the appearance of his materials. Cotton wool clouds, faux fur grass plains and mountains made of sifted tile grout are used in the above shot.

Some of his designs measure less then three feet in length but the effect is gained by the perspective from which the photo is taken. This volcano is made from tile grout, cotton and phosphorous ink, and lit from within by six 60-watt light bulbs.

I've always liked intricacies (stopping shy of the twee banality of Lilliput Lane) and these delicate little scenes hit the spot just fine. Well done little man!

Lady Gaga takes the biscuit!

2010-02-02T17:14:00.001Z

Reports that Lady Gaga had survived a bout of pyromania were discovered today to be sorely premature, as it emerged that the pop star had actually baked herself to a sweet caramel brown.
These shocking pictures show how Gaga, 23, has melted and shrunk into a largely featureless star shape as a result of being exposed to Gas Mark 4 for quarter of an hour during her stage show in Canada last year. She also smells of ginger.

The fashion-forward singer will be relieved that her outfits and sunglasses appear to have survived the blaze, although her neck seems to have taken a severe hit.

In any event, Gaga is reported to be alive and well, and planning a re-release of her greatest hits, including Poker Cake, Just Flans and Pa-biscotti.*

* I am so, so sorry.

Daily Mail Cancer List

2010-01-29T15:59:00.002Z

Came across this excellent list of some of the things horrendous scaremongering tabloid The Daily Mail (cheerful Christmas front page, right) has claimed will give you cancer.

Some of the entries are almost beyond belief, but links to each offending article are provided in the interests of authenticity. Things to watch out for include: being a woman, being a man, both children and childlessness, artificial light, bubblebath, scented candles, crayons, Facebook, radioactivity (no surprises there), space travel (a low-level concern for me) and every food ever invented. And dogs.

Scary times...

Andy Murray: 88% British

2010-01-29T11:49:00.006Z

Edwin's Raisin is proud to declare that at the time of writing, Australian Open tennis finalist Andy Murray is 88% British.

The statistic has been calculated by The AndyMurrayometer, which describes itself as "an indispensable indicator as to whether the tennis player Andy Murray should be described in conversation as 'British' or 'Scottish'."

Visitors can cast their vote on the site and even bet on the results with paddypower.com.

The AndyMurrayometer stats for 2009
The current sentiment is to be expected after the 22 year old Brit reached the final of the Australian Open yesterday morning. (Please note that the corresponding sentence - showing how easily confusion can arise - would be: "… after the 22 year old Scot lost his Australian Open semi-final yesterday morning.").

Murray's only previous slam final appearance was against Federer in the 2008 US Open Final. Sunday's Aussie final is likely to be a rematch – and the outcome could have a definitive bearing on Murray's nationality. Hold on to your seats...

UPDATE ON SUNDAY: Andy Murray is Scottish. Obviously.

Shunt Lounge re-opening

2010-01-28T18:58:00.003Z

"Shunt are very pleased to announce that due to the immense support from Network Rail, Thameslink, Turner and Townsend, Mace and Southwark Council we are able to remain in our current location under London Bridge Station for another year."

ANOTHER YEAR! GET OUT OF MY WAY!

From 5 February. Tickets £10 for you, free + 1 and a queuejump for Mr Christopher. ;)

BRITs Nominations

2010-01-20T23:43:00.006Z

Well the BRITs nominations are out. And are they a lot of BALONEY. What's wrong with this list:

International Female
Solo Artist
Lady GaGa
Ladyhawke
Norah Jones
Rihanna
Shakira

That's right: no Beyonce. Because the most notable international female artist over the past 12 months - by a country mile - has been Norah Jones. She's the name on everyone's lips.

In the past 12 months, Beyonce has released the following singles: "If I Were a Boy", "Single Ladies", "Diva", "Halo", "Sweet Dreams" and "Video Phone". Norah cracked out "Chasing Pirates", which soared to no. 87 in the UK charts, and decided she'd quit while she was ahead. Just the one, thanks.

~ Further questions ~
1. Why do people prefer In For the Kill (too high for La Roux's whiny reedy voice) to Bulletproof?
2. Why have JLS been nominated for Best British Group.
3. Who knew Ladyhawke wasn't British? Not Mr Christopher.
4. Was "Breathe Slow" not the crappy slow one by Alesha Dixon? The Gary Barlow one? Best British Single?
5. Why have JLS been nominated for Best British Group.
6. Why is this not nominated for Best International Song?

(It might be because it's old and weird, but I really do like it.)
7. If Dido or Coldplay win BRITs Album of 30 Years, can we all agree that enough is enough and deport them?
8. Has Daniel Merriweather (of 2007 'Stop Me' fame) just broken through?
9. Why have JLS been nominated for Best British Group.
10. Is it me or is Lady Gaga growing on everyone? (Though she's still clearly a div - see right)

FOOD FOR THOUGHT, HMM?

GQ and Sarkozy: Wrong, Wrong, Wrong

2010-01-15T11:30:00.011Z

The Élysée Palace was distraught this week as GQ declared Nicolas Sarkozy to be the third worst-dressed human man of 2009.

Clearly incorrect. Ever since his election, I've been struck Sarkozy's consistent elegance: impeccably turned out in dark Dior suits, crisp neutral shirts and sharp understated ties. There may not be too much variation, but anyone with a uniform of dark Gallic style is fine by Mr Christopher.

Who looks better: Obama or Sarkozy?

Brown or Sarkozy?

Carla and Nicholas is obviously a closer call – or in fact, an obliteration by the First Madame – but he at least measures up (height jokes aside):

He may not be quite so slim as he would like but when it comes to couture, Sarko is smooth as a button and sharp as a stick. He's certainly not BAD.

David Cameron as best dressed #8? Nothing wrong with him, but he's guilty of the odd pink shirt, crap tie and podgy waistband. The guy is one step away from brown shoes with a grey suit.

Even though it's a horrible 'power photo', imagine how thrilled we would be if Dave, Gordy or anyone else in British politics stepped off a plane looking like this (left).

I'd like it anyway. So hush your mouth GQ. And please don't put your own editors in the top ten. It looks a little biased.

Sarah Palin's favourite founding father?

2010-01-14T21:01:00.003Z

"All of them".

Sorted.

(Via Comment Central)

Because he's worth it

2010-01-13T19:35:00.027Z

David Cameron, leader of the opposition and shoe-in for PM by May, has kicked off his election campaign with a poster in which he just looks a little... well, smooth.

In other words, someone's cracked out Photoshop and made himself all purdy.

The Conservative Party said that they could not rule out "minor retouching", and DC himself was questioned on the matter on BBC Radio 4's Today programme.

"The photos of you on the big ads ... a lot of people say [they look] a bit weird. You wouldn't airbrush a photo of yourself, would you?" The Tory leader laughed and said "I certainly hope not!", before saying he had had a "ribbing" from friends and family about the poster, which has been on 759 billboards around the country.

But what about airbrushing? "Look, I don't produce the picture or the poster but what I do produce is on the poster, which is [our promise that] we will cut the deficit and not the NHS," said Cameron. So that's a yes, then.

And there's no denying that his visage yesterday (right) seemed a little more wrinkled than the poster would have us believe.

But who cares. Blair did it, and so long as he steers clear of Berlusconi-style facelifts and outright manipulations a la Sarkozy (c'est pathétique, non?), I think the guy is allowed a little polishing. Or make-up. Or whatever it is.

After all, even Mr Christopher's marvellous mug would struggle to look good on a 20ft billboard.

The London Underwear

2010-01-08T12:31:00.004Z

When temperatures in London dip below freezing, it's generally seen as time to button up, throw on a scarf and pop on some extra layers. It is NOT recognised as a good time to take off your trousers. But this Sunday, that's what will be happening on the inaugural No Trousers Underground Ride.

Started as the No Pants Subway Ride in New York in 2002, the aim is to act nonchalant. as if you've simply forgotten to wear trousers. From the instructions:

"When you enter, act as you normally would. You do not know any of the other pantless riders. If questioned, tell folks that you “forgot to wear trousers” and yes you are “a little cold.” Insist that it is a coincidence that others also forgot their trousers. Be nice and friendly and normal.

You can wear fun underwear if you like, but nothing that screams out, “I wore this because I’m doing a silly stunt.” Wear two pairs of underwear if it makes you feel more comfortable. Don’t wear a thong or anything else that might offend people. Our aim is to make people laugh, not piss them off."

3.00 p.m., Trafalgar Square. See you there.

UPDATE: video.

Album stamps are ALL BUM (stamps)

2010-01-07T17:27:00.012Z

More stamp news from Mr Christopher, as the Royal Mail releases ten First Class stamps celebrating classic album covers from the last four decades. And sadly, it's pretty slim pickings. Best of the bunch are:

Of course, my biggest problem is that bloody Coldplay have got one. But even that aside, the portfolio is pretty uninspiring. Maybe if I'd been around in the '70s some of them would mean more to me, but few of the ten could really be described as iconic.

The Bowie one (and before you bring it up - yes, I have recorded there, stop going on about it...) should surely be the one on the right. And why no Elton John, Queen or Oasis?

I shall write them a letter of complaint. Using my own stamp.

White Country

2010-01-07T15:45:00.005Z

Mainland Britain, covered in snow, as papped by a Nasa satellite today and beamed down to the University of Dundee.

Amazing. Bet there's a buried train or two down there.

Snow joke to be cut adrift!

2010-01-07T13:39:00.007Z

It's cooking up a snowy storm still in Olde Londone Towne, and our beloved public transport system is coping about as well as you'd expect. But tales of hour-long delays on the way in to Liverpool Street don't come close to matching this story from the Times Archive, about a train which got completely buried in snow in 1891 - and wasn't found for two days.

It was March, and a blizzard covered most of the West Country. The Times reported that it was the heaviest fall of snow for 50 years, "and the gale that accompanied it rose at times to a hurricane". Ships were wrecked, sailors swept into the seas and houses marooned by collossal snowdrifts.

And on Monday evening, perhaps a little unwisely, the 6.35 p.m. from Princetown toddled off towards Yelverton.

The passengers were dug out on Wednesday. It had been snowing so heavily that a farmer living just 200 yards from the train hadn't even noticed it. The report notes that "All the compartments of the carriages, although the doors and windows were closed, were filled with snow up to the hat racks."

But at least they got cake. Which is more than can be said for the East Coast Main Line.

Winter from Above

2010-01-01T16:33:00.004Z

Polish paragliding pilot Kacper Kowalski has taken these awesome aerial photographs of winter.

Kowalski, who won a World Press Photo award in 2009 for his aerial photography, is showing the extraordinary winter landscapes in London for the first time at the moment. I'm not going to go and see them because they're in a restaurant, and frankly, I think that Polish food is just loads of potatoes. And if I'm going to eat loads of potatoes, they're going to be in a bag marked 'Kettle Chips'. But still, they sure are pretty snaps. Happy New Year!

How do you like

2009-10-29T01:40:00.007Z

THESE apples?

Custom made for me by Vitor at Recycled Bicycles Amsterdam. Single speed, blue old school frame, backpedal brakes, drop handlebars, red grips and rims, white mud and chainguards, built to my size and specs for €225.

London, prepare thyself for Amsterdam town bike in blauw, rood and wit. All hail Vitor's (exportable, if you're interested) customs.

Tottenham Fancy Stadium

2009-10-26T23:29:00.005Z

They're still working on the title, but I think that the above would be pretty good.
Yes, Tottenham Hotspur are getting a new stadium - a planning application was submitted today and Spurs should be playing there by 2012. In case you haven't already gathered, this is a bit of a special interest story.
SO it's 56,000 seats and has a single-tier stand (like the world-famous Kop at Anfield) - so what? Well, the point is that it's something to match Arsenal's stinky stadium just a few miles south and, frankly, any positive or expansive plans for any sports team you love can only be a good thing. I can't get my season ticket on because they cost a fortune and it's hell of a commitment, but if I could then... well, then I would.

Fashion finger puppets

2009-10-15T10:58:00.005+01:00

Following the success of Karl Lagerfelt at NYFW earlier this year, a whole array of fashion finger puppets are now available at Liberty.

Get a boxset of your favourite fashion city: Milan, London, New York or Paris. Giorgio and Donatella have been knitted out of orange wool (excellent attention to detail), and the Victor & Rolf body comes with two heads. Of course it does.

The World's Greatest Flag

2009-10-09T19:17:00.007+01:00

There was no messing around in The Benin Empire. If you went there, you went there with RESPECT OR LOOK WHAT HAPPENED:

The Benin Empire (1440-1897) was a pre-colonial African state of modern Nigeria. This was its flag. It depicts a man solemnly and very cleanly decapitating another man, who had just started to toprock.

Remember: the citizens of Benin LOATHE b-boying.

2008 Presidential Election Poster

2009-10-09T18:41:00.004+01:00

Now THAT'S a memento. From Marbury.

Le Love Cœur*

2009-10-01T00:06:00.007+01:00

From Le Love.

* French for 'heart'. No big deal.

McDonald's Map

2009-09-30T11:10:00.005+01:00

Strange Maps this week features a map plotting the position of every McDonald's in America.

There are over 13,000 McDonald’s restaurants in the US - just 1 for every 23,000 Americans, which I actually found surprisingly few. Is that wrong?

In any event, this market penetration doesn’t mean that McDonald’s is everywhere: somewhere in South Dakota is The McFarthest Spot, the place in the contiguous United States geographically most removed from the nearest McD’s.

The Golden Arches are seemingly packed onto every street corner in the east half of the States, while out west, you gots to go the distance for yo fries (except the for heavily populated coastal areas). And in the McFarthest Spot, you gots to go a full 145 miles to gets yo PATTIE on. Fortunately, South Dakota is home to literally 2,213 Taco Bells, 439 KFCs and a singular Pret a Manger. So probably no going hongry after all.

Diamonds, Buttons and Butterflies

2009-09-28T23:54:00.011+01:00

Awesome image at the impeccably stylish ddo's posterous. How easy would this be to make? $1 stamp pads, a diamond stamp and a button stamp. BAM!

"Diamonds & Buttons. It's what life's about."
Copycat version soon to be seen in the lobby of my new theatre. Alongside a copycat butterfly punch collage from Livingetc a few months ago.

If people say they're girly, then I can just say:

      1. No no no - they're my girlfriend's! God, I hate them!
      2. I'm putting on a fairylit romance - you think this is girly?
      3. Do you like my T-shirt?

Sorted. Hand my my hole punch and stamp.

Ruined Theatres

2009-09-28T23:17:00.004+01:00

Check out these ruined theatres from model's own's excellent blog.

I have already contacted the curators and asked them to drench the theatres in fairy lights in advance of my BIG BUDGET STAGING OF A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM this autumn, starring Mr. Christopher (all the male parts), Audrey Tautou, Natalie Portman, Juliette Binoche and Kristen Scott-Thomas (some of the girl ones). It's going to be really, REALLY good. Tickets available from my head, nightly. 50p.

Berlusconi and Michelle Obama

2009-09-26T11:42:00.012+01:00

A picture speaks a thousand words. Silvio Berlusconi greeted the First Lady at the G-20 summit in Pittsburgh this week, much to Barack Obama's disapproval. The Italian PM seemed to looking for a little more than a formal handshake.
"Come to Papa!"
The 5'6" lecherous lothario, recently described by his own staff as sex addict and currently undergoing a divorce from his wife following a string of affairs with young women, was strictly despatched by America's first couple with a polite handshake and series of backpats. Not that the Obamas are cold - other world leaders were greeted with far more affection. It's just that... well... would you?

UPDATE: On his return from the G20 summit yesterday, Berlusconi spoke at a rally and, clearly failing to learn from the outcry that followed similar comments last November, said: "I have to bring you some greetings, greetings from a man, what is his name, what is his name - just a minute it was someone with a tan - Barack Obama."

He then added: "You won't believe it but they went together to the beach to get a tan because even his wife is suntanned." What a smart, savvy and sensitive guy.

London 2012 Stamps

2009-08-25T13:32:00.008+01:00

First class stamps for the London 2012 Olympics were released this week. Much better than the crappy bid-win stamps, the ten new stamps each represent a different sport and have been designed by a leading artist. I'm all for London-branding, Olympic-branding and cool design, so these are A-OK by Mr Christopher.

Mad Mr Christopher

2009-08-24T17:01:00.007+01:00

Just a quick one today: a photo of me at work. Looking pretty good. I like to dress smartly for the office. Look at all those other guys in lounge suits... HEY, MAKE AN EFFORT GUYS (I said earlier today). Also notice I'm the only one drinking (= party man) and with a newspaper (= well-informed man). I'm both good for morale and a damn fine worker too.

EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH.

Bolt and Berlino

2009-08-21T10:16:00.009+01:00

It was a year to the day since Bolt broke Michael Johnson’s 200 metres record in the Olympic final, and at the World Championships in Berlin yesterday the Jamaican felt it was time to give it another go. Another day, another earth-shattering world record.

Legs pumping furiously, Bolt pounded across the line in just 19.19 seconds, shaving 1.1 tenths off his previous record. Incredibly, he even ran into a slight headwind (-0.3 m/s).

The result was never in doubt. It doesn't need to be said that Bolt was in a race of his own: he had passed bronze medallist Wallace Spearmon within five strides. It was Bolt against the clock. Despite the pre-race doubts as to his preparation and the toll taken by previous races, Bolt won. "Tonight I can definitely say I didn't expect it," Bolt said after the race. "I was tired but I thought 'what the heck, let's try'. I ran hard and now I'm really tired! Next time perhaps I shall just run the 100m or 200m alone. I wasn't running upright - it wasn't a good race... but it was a fast one."

Indeed it was. The plaudits flooded in immediately. Steve Cram: "That is wrong. That is just wrong. 19.20?!" Michael Johnson: "Unbelievable. A ridiculous race. The bend is unbelievable. No one has ever run a bend like this ... this is the most incredible bend ever." Darvis Patton (100m finalist): “It’s like he’s created a game person. He’s like a cheat code. That’s how good he is.” Two races, two gold medals, two World Champion titles, two world records. Roll on the relay.

In related news, Bolt was seen before the race rocking an "Ich bin ein Berlino" T-shirt, a pun on JFK's famous misquote in reference to Berlino the Bear, the 9 foot foam mascot that appears to be the only creature capable of upstaging Bolt at these World Championships.

After Melaine Walker won gold in the 400m hurdles, Berlino picked her up, popped her on his back and careered headlong into a stack of hurdles, dropping the Jamaican in the process and sending millions of hearts into millions of mouths (remember Tony Adam's 'jovial' celebration after the 1993 League Cup Final? He lifted the winning goalscorer onto his shoulders, dropped him and broke his arm). No such problems here though – both Berlino and Walker were fine afterwards, the bear even larking about with Bolt after the 200m final. What a job...

Alexey Titarenko

2009-08-18T13:54:00.013+01:00

Alexey Titarenko is a Russian photographer famous for his ghostly depictions of downtrodden masses flowing through bleak, moody cityscapes (see shots from City of Shadows, below).

These haunting portrayals of a blurred, streaming populace have rightly earned Titarenko acclaim. The subject matter and composition of photographs in his other series make also make for romantic, elegant or fascinating viewing (see below).

However, the technique has its limitations. The long exposures leave some shots blandly monotone; flat, low-contrast and powdery. But this is the exception rather than the rule. If you like brooding and charismatic, post-Soviet urban imagery - and who doesn't - then Alexey Titarenko is well worth a look.

Revisiting Brideshead

2009-08-14T15:20:00.012+01:00

Last night I finished watching the 1981 Brideshead Revisited TV adaptation. I read and wrote on Brideshead at university but, slightly embarrassingly, seem to have been more affected by the TV adaptation than the novel itself.

The tortured outpouring at the fountain from Diana Quick's beguiling, brisk and conflicted Julia and the tremendously painful return to the estate evoked by Jeremy Irons' insular, mournful Charles have played on my mind all day. Unfortunately the book is at home, but if I had it with me I would break my rigorously-applied rule and plunge into it again. As it is, I'm sating myself with tales of the inspiration.

If you haven't read or seen Brideshead, put one or the other at the top of your To Do List and prepare to be enthralled.

MJ Memorial Shoot

2009-08-13T16:06:00.013+01:00

Today I stumbled upon Mykromag's shoot by Dutch duo Petrovsky and Ramone on location outside the uniquely surreal Michael Jackson memorial service in Los Angeles last month.

While the shoot is not entirely impromptu, with the model's poses among the shrines, fans, police and general chaos of the day attracting seemingly little attention, no credit is given for the outfits or styling, making me think that the intention veers closer to photojournalism than to glossy style. The result is a series of striking images that are part fashion shoot, part documentary – a blurring of the line between reality and fiction that is particularly appropriate for its setting.

The Mysterious Hills and the Baffling City

2009-08-12T13:27:00.030+01:00

Today I have been trying to understand MTV's smash hit series The Hills and its equally bewildering sibling, The City.

For the blissfully uninitiated, The Hills follows the lives of hip young things living in LA, while spin-off series The City documents the move of one of the things to New York to work for a fashion designer. Now, you ask, what's so hard about that?

Firstly, WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? They're actors, right? The premise is that both shows are reality TV, but this is patently untrue. Each episode is packed with drama, heartache and a suspiciously neat story arc, like a serialised chapter of a Dickens novel only with high heels, beach parties and rows over the layout of Teen Vogue. Whereas if it actually were reality, each episode would be packed with searching for keys, arguing with customer service hotlines and walking into a room and forgetting why you were there.

So which is it? The best explanation I can find comes from (where else?) Wikipedia: "the cameras follow [characters] daily and capture whatever unfolds." OK, so it's reality. Oh, hold on - there's more: "There is 'structure' provided to the program, as real life develops day-by-day and most dramatic events generally occur while being filmed."

Bear in mind that this is the best explanation I've found. WHAT DOES IT MEAN? What the hell is meant by "structure"? Structure like a storyboard, script and director? Because that's not really "structure", I'm afraid – that's "how you make TV shows."

Wikipedia also explains that one hip thing has confirmed that she is "joining the cast" and "has inked a deal with MTV to appear as a series regular throughout two seasons." How can you 'sign up' to appear in someone's life? Did she have a bit part as a passing acquaintance, only to act so deliciously and indispensably that the producers demanded the cast befriend her? God, I hope she knows. We don't want her going all Truman Burbank on us and flipping out when she finds it's just for the cameras.

And what about this 'job' business - does the City star actually work for the fashion designer? Did she get the job on merit? How close were we to having a series about a spin-off Hills character who spends all day flipping burgers or photocopying? And does the designer not get a bit ticked off with her employee's constant breaks for angsty Dawson's-style summits with her on/off boyfriend, explosive latte-fuelled clashes with bitchy rivals, or requests to be promoted as this season's storyline kind of counts on it?

I DON'T UNDERSTAND. And yet everyone is very excited about these shows and Heidi and Holly Montag are apparently very important people and don't you know, it's like reality but like also really cool? DON'T YOU GET IT? Sadly I do naaaht. So I'm going to pretend it doesn't exist, sit under a rock and wait for The Apprentice to come round again.

Holiday season

2009-08-11T15:34:00.021+01:00

It's that time of year again, when politicians' holidays are subject to a level of scrutiny usually reserved for – ooh, I don't know – the customer list of a Lincolnshire moat cleaner. And Daniel Finkenstein has a fine game on Comment Central this week:

- Match the Politician to the Summer Holiday -
1 - Nicholas Sarkozy
2 - Nick Clegg
3 - Gordon Brown
4 - David Cameron
5 - Barack Obama
6 - Vladimir Putin

a - Visiting the in-laws in Spain, doing a spot of light cycling
b - Topless horse riding through rugged, Siberian terrain
c - Rental home with own orchard, pool, golf and basketball court (est $50,000 a week)
d - Fife and Cumbria, with a worthy spell of volunteer work
e - 10 day holiday in France with “a really trashy novel”
f - Three week break in Cap Negre, with no-fly zone imposed

(Answers: 1 f, 2 a, 3 d, 4 e, 5 c, 6 b)
How many did you get right? I got the Obama and Sarkozy ones mixed up. (Of course, the basketball court was a giveaway.)

Obviously, none of this matters. It's trivia. But the papers are full of it because, as DF points out, it's very calculated trivia: "it's the anticipation of analysis that leads to those choices being micro-managed."

Take Putin, manfully stripped to the waist as he patrols mountainous terrain 'pon his powerful steed (in the same region of Serbia, incidentally, in which he was snapped shirtless while fishing and horse riding in 2007).

The intention can be summed up thus: Russians heart macho. Ex-President acts macho in photograph. Russians see photograph. Russians heart ex-President, want to make President again. Ex-President smiles, feels macho, tells rest of world to shut up while he does JUST VHAT HE VANTS VIT THE GAS SUPPLY, DA? That, in a slightly racist nutshell, is it.

And what about "call me Dave" Cameron? For a start, it's pretty rare to hear a boy announces with relish that he intends to read "a really trashy novel". Something easy to read, yes; pulp fiction, yes; ooh a bit of Maeve Binchy and a pina colada, no.

And second of all, that phrase is used exclusively to show that you know it's rubbish, but you're indulging in a guilty little pleasure. But hold on a minute... I have engaged in guilty pleasures before! Is Dave My Kind Of Guy? Because if he is, I'm bloody voting for him.

So what is the point of this self-fulfilling bit of stage management? World leaders know the public is watching, so they put on an act; we see them act, and correctly surmise that it's for show. I suppose there is no point.

But it seems to work. Plus it fills column inches and - crucially - it gave us an opportunity to laugh at Tony Blair in his trunks. Surely that counts for something.

Bad head

2009-08-07T10:09:00.026+01:00

Hey, want cool hair? GQ has just explained to me that Randi Lee, 34, has effortlessly cool (if bland) hair because "he always showers at night. Sometimes he uses shampoo, sometimes he just rinses. Then he goes to bed. When he wakes up in the morning, he’s already got the bedhead thing going.".

"Well," I thought to myself last night, "I can do that."

- Reasons why authentic bed head does not work -
1. First and foremost: superfluous sticky-up bits that make you look less "bed head" and more "idiot who cannot even get his hair to grow in the right way."

I once set off to school with what I thought was a rather racy new do (swept back in the style of Andy Garcia), only to find when I got there that my traitorous tresses had risen in the car and that rather than resembling a smooth-talking Mafioso, I looked like the self-conscious lovechild of a hedgehog and a greasy waiter. (I probably should have used 'POMADE', but the thought of smearing engine oil onto my head was appealing to my nine-year old self as it is now) My arrival at the school gates was met with howls of persecution from friends, teachers and the media that I can still hear today. At least I'm pretty sure it was the media. It was bad, anyway.

So that's danger #1.

2. Cold bits on the pillow that you roll back onto an hour after switching out the light. If God had intended me to sleep on a wet patch, he'd have withheld bladder control.

3. The risk that Stay-Puft from Ghostbusters will get you.*

4. You might end up looking like the imbecile from that advert, "Tim" or whatever he was called. You know the one I mean. "Everyone knows a bloke like Tim!!!!!"

I'll tell you what, gleeful voiceover man from Head and Shoulders, I do NOT know a bloke like Tim. I make it a point of principle. Or rather, if I DO know him, I know him as Tim, The Wanker With Faux Bed-Head Hair And A Horrible Array Of Smug Grins In Different Outfits. Not a moniker I am keen to acquire for myself. Certainly not if it necessitates sporting sticky-up bits and invoking the ire of a Ghostbusters baddie.

5. Admittedly this next one isn't so much a bed head problem as a 'washing your hair before bed' problem, but I think you're bright enough to see that that's what all this metrosexual bed head posturing was a cover for. My REAL issue is wet hair in bed. And do you know what the biggest risk involved with that is? WET-INSIDES-OF-EARS.

Wet-insides-of-ears create an instant and irrational feeling of vulnerability. I think my subconscious hypothesis is that earwigs (which obviously aim to live in actual ears) prefer wet, slimy ears (LIKE THEIR DISGUSTING SLITHERY BODIES) to normal ears. Ergo, fall asleep with wet ears, have brain eaten by earwigs. It's that simple.

So unless you like being papped as a weeping nine year old or BEING EATEN ALIVE FROM THE INSIDE OUT, leave the bed head to lothable lotharios from TV Land and wash your hair in the morning. Sorted.

Next week: Stray Nail Clippings - "One Thousand Splendid Swords."

* When I was small I was afraid of the hairdryer. But my Mum told me that if my hair wasn't dried properly before bed, I would get DAN DRUFF. Dan Druff rooted himself into my worldview as a monster in the style of Stay-Puft, the fictional Michelin-sponsored ghoul from Ghostbusters. I am assuming that this exact scenario happened to everyone. Even if it didn't, ignorance will not save you from his marshmallow-fuelled wet-haired fury so you best watch out.

Zwei Brüste

2009-08-04T16:18:00.013+01:00

WHO HERE LIKES DOUBLE-BREASTED SUITS.

I'm pretty sure that I do. And fitted ones like this (as opposed to boxy ones like this) are very much UP MEIN STRAßE. Apparently they're going to be big this autumn, but I still can't see myself having the balls to buy one. If I did though, my criteria would be:

fitted with a tight cluster of buttons and a low-cut V

navy with noticeable but not lairy pinstripes

room for a rather nifty pocket square (rarely a problem)

look like it should be $1,395 but actually be $13.95 (£8.29 thank you very much)

It should basically be the above suit. Generous anonymous gifts accepted. Danke.

Pixel People

2009-07-30T16:18:00.010+01:00

Englishman Arthur Mole and American counterpart John Thomas took these incredible pictures of thousands of soldiers returning to America after World War I forming icons of American history.

The pair were commissioned by the US government to take the photographs in camps across the US to raise morale among the troops and raise money by selling the shots to the public.

Human Statue of Liberty: 18,000 officers and men – just 17 at the base but, half a mile away at the top, there are 12,000 in the torch alone (circa 1918)

The Human American Eagle: 12,500 officers, nurses and men at Camp Gordon, Atlanta, Georgia (1918)

The Living Uncle Sam: 19,000 officers and men at Camp Lee, Virginia (13 January 1919)

Living Emblem of the United States Marines (circa 1919)

Later photo by Eugene Omar Goldbeck, Indoctrination Division, Air Training Command, Lackland Air Base, San Antonio, Texas (19 July 1947)

Unbelievable. As was the technique: in order to combat the obvious problem of perspective in getting so many soldiers in the picture, Mole would actually draw an outline on the lens and then direct the troops to place flags in certain positions while he looked through the camera.

More can be seen at the Hammer Gallery site.

Sur le Plage

2009-07-28T13:50:00.026+01:00

They all laughed at Christopher Columbus, when he said the earth was round. They all laughed when Edison recorded sound. They all laughed in 2002 when Bertrand Delanoë unveiled plans for a temporary urban beach on the Right Bank expressway in central Paris - but haw-he-haw, mes amis - who's got the last laugh now?

The answer, of course, is the chic citizens of the city of light, as the Paris Plage gears up for its eighth successful summer.

The first Socialist mayor of Paris may receive more press nowadays for his bikes than his beach, but the Plage is still thriving. Four million Parisiens will flock to the Seine this summer for sand, deckchairs, palms and parasols.

Happily, Amsterdam also has its own Plage - open all summer - as well a huge roof terrace, a natural inland beach, and of course the actual beaches at Zandvoort and Bloemendaal aan Zee nearby.

Apparently we're also trying one in Blighty: it's in sunny Nottingham. Hmm, let me get back to you.

While the tone of the Plages is likely to be city grit rather than timeless elegance, they are a great trend – and with tourists making up just 15% of the clientele at the Paris Plage, one that clearly meets with local approval. Come on Boris, get involved.

Got a few days off

2009-07-22T16:38:00.009+01:00

Sadly not going anywhere exotic - visitors in Amsterdam - but it means no posts. How will you get through the remainder of the week...

You could spend your Edwin's Raisin time on the excellent George and Lynne Explained instead. There.

Back on Monday!

American All Star

2009-07-20T12:48:00.019+01:00

Far be it from me to comment on American domestic politics (in fact, I won't, I'll just dwell on the quirky "...And finally" stuff) but I think that Barack Obama's ceremonial pitch at the MLB All-star game last week merits a little mention.

In front of 46,760 fans at Busch Stadium in St. Louis, Obama followed 80 years of presidential tradition by throwing the first pitch at the game. Unfortunately, a basketball ringer he may be; a pitcher he ain't.

Obama jogged to the pitcher's mound wearing a Chicago White Sox jacket – of course, his local team – and bit his lip in concentration as he wound up to pitch. Perhaps fearful of allowing the ball to bounce before it reached home plate, Obama launched the ball high into the sky and St Louis Cardinals player Albert Pujols was forced to strain forward to catch it at ankle height, sparing Mr. President's blushes. Obama celebrated by firmly pumping his fist, but really – who was he kidding?

The US media seem to have looked upon it kindly, and I know that we don't really do baseball here in the UK (or the Netherlands) - but does a catch like THIS suggest a decent pitch?

I THINK NOT. I'm not entirely sure about the geeky jeans and trainers either, but that's another story.

Be it nerves, lack of practice or some new throwing style that EVERYONE will be copying in a few years, Obama didn't shower himself in his usual glory this time. But then that's kind of reassuring - after all, the guy's only human.

Tayane Leão

2009-07-20T10:51:00.008+01:00

I've just seen the 2009 Ford Supermodel of the World. Brazilian Tayane Leão beat over 5 million girls from 44 different countries to win the prestigious title and has been given a USD250,000 two-year contract with Ford, on top of the USD75,000 contract she signed when she won Ford Supermodel Brazil in November 2008.

And we can agree that Tayane is a worthy winner:

What do you think? Hot, right? Totally!

SHE IS FOURTEEN YEARS OLD. Which, as we were told during Obummergate, may well be the age of consent in Brazil (and Italy for that matter), but which is bloody weird as far as Mr Christopher goes and makes for uncomfortable viewing. Yikes.

Go say ten Hail Marys.

Gene Pool

2009-07-17T16:21:00.012+01:00

This week's award for Wilful Blindness goes to Magdalena Kwiatkowska, a Polish lady who is suing an Egyptian hotel after claiming her 13-year-old daughter got pregnant using their swimming pool.

Pervert.
Kwiatkowska Junior came back from the family holiday expecting a baby, only mother is adamant that her daughter didn't meet any boys while she was there and so must have conceived as a result of "stray sperm" in the pool.

- Some Questions -

What made you conclude that "stray sperm" got into the swimming pool? How? Unless I'm missing out on something, and breast stroke really is what I hoped it was when I was 8, I reckon that the average man manages to contain himself when trundling around a big tiled ditch filled with water.

What sort of role do you envisage the swimming pool having in his child's life? Do you intend to pursue the pool for child support? Will it be invited round for Christmas? (Purely for the child's sake if nothing else) (you know how popular kids with pools are)

I'm no scientist, but bearing in mind that chlorine is three times as strong as bromine and six times as strong as iodine, how do you think sperm gets on in a swimming pool? I'm wiling to bet that it's not very happy. Probably not sufficiently potent to prowl around looking for young girls to fertilise. Probably dead after about five minutes?

On the other hand - you see that kid strutting around the hotel beaming and smoking a fat cigar? That's the pool boy. Go talk to him.

Off the wall

2009-07-17T13:15:00.018+01:00

Daniel Rozin makes mirrors. But not just any old mirrors. Mechanical mirrors made of strange materials with video cameras, computers and motors on board. Mirrors that are literally mad (literally).

The Mirrors Mirror, below, is perhaps the most straightforward: different parts of the viewer's image are reflected by 768 small mirror tiles, with brighter tiles aimed at the upper body and darker tiles aimed lower down. And because the 24 columns of tiles form a concave surface, the image can only be seen by the reflected person. IT IS A SECRET MULTI-MIRROR MIRROR!

The reduced colour resolution over the pixellated tiles gives the mirror a posterised quality, like an old computer game with only a few shades of each colour available.

Next, the Shiny Balls Mirror. It comprises 921 hexagonal black-anodized aluminum tube extrusions, 921 chrome-plated plastic balls and 819 motors. It sounds messy, but the resulting image is a futuristic, crisp and clean contrasting facade of aluminum and chrome. And the viewer is reflected twice: once on each ball and then overall across the entire piece.

Awesome. Finally, the Weave Mirror. This mirror reflects a smoky image of the viewer using cameras and a gradual rotation in greyscale value on 768 motorized and laminated C-shaped rings assembled in the texture of a homespun basket. Of course it does. And, naturally, this dreamily intricate and complex sculpture is not wall-hung, but suspended from the ceiling.

Wunderbar. Yes please, one of each.

Daniel Rozin is an artist, educator, developer and Associate Arts Professor at NYU.

A letter to Downing Street

2009-07-14T16:50:00.033+01:00

Dear Prime Minister,

I understand I am not the first to express dismay over your apparent lack of leadership during these troubled times. But compared to members of your cabinet and the opposition, I find your lack of visibility to be absolutely appalling.

If other politicans find the time to go out and reassure the public with their presence, why can't you? I have had first hand experience of this and have summarised my grievance in verse.

      I saw David Cameron
      Out buying gammon

      And Nicholas Clegg
      Buying butter and eggs

      When I'm in the park
      I chat with Ken Clarke

      And frequently pause
      To greet Edward Balls

      Hilary Benn
      I spot now and then

      And feel virtually plagued
      by William Hague

      Harriet Harman
      Now helps in the garden

      Even Hazel Blears
      Still often appears

      But, Gordon Brown
      I never see you in town

      But I've got a new tea set
      So please do come round

Now, as I have said many, many times before, I am 99.3% sure that these political sightings are correct. I don't know why so many ministers buy their groceries in my village, given that it is 200 miles from London – maybe it's the farmer's market or something, I don't know – but they do. Now this is the THIRD TIME I have written to you inviting you to tea and I will NOT BE STOOD UP AGAIN. This morning I saw Tessa Jowell buying a towel and she said such behaviour was typical of you, but I am giving you ONE LAST CHANCE.

I shall expect you at 3.00 o'clock tomorrow. Joining our table will be Vincent Cable.

Yours sincerely,

Mr Christopher

Protect yo'self, fool...

2009-07-14T12:38:00.002+01:00

For anyone wondering what to get Mr Christopher for Christmas.

Scott! Scott! Over here!

2009-07-14T10:54:00.009+01:00

As a devout follower of the world's #1 streetstyle blog, I was tickled by 'How to Get Shot by the Sartorialist', which I saw today on Model's Own.

Rigidly instructive as well as amusing, the chart describes a formulaic way for guys and gals to dress stylishly, observing the Sart's preference for classic European elegance with a dapper, unexpected quirk. As far as guys go, with recent Sart snaps including this and this, it's bang on the money. Take me to Mepa!

(It's the meat packing district. I had to look it up.)

Ode to Chefs

2009-07-13T17:32:00.014+01:00

Gordon Ramsey
You really take my fancy!
To those who say you're a pansy:
I'll show them the back of my handsy

Ainsley Harriot
Fetch me a chariot!
Not sure how you should carry it.
Park it at the Marriott.

Antony Worrall Thompson
I have bought you a Brompton!
It's for you to cycle to jobs on
(I've got some route maps if you want them)

Gary Rhodes!
Put back on your clothes!
You can hardly suppose
That I want to see those!

Rick Stein,
Is that mine?!
You stole it you swine!
You do this all the time.